Hear me roar.

so…

i passed the first round. but jesus, today was so nerve-wracking, i can’t even begin to imagine how terrible tomorrow is going to be. i actually felt ready for today, but ended up with two fails and a borderline pass out of 8 skills, of which i was allowed to retake one. passed it easily the second time, and the other critical fail was something really small  (and that i knew i’d fucked up on right after finishing anyway) so i guess today actually didn’t go all too badly.

but.. tonight, after i went to watch half of PCN, i went back for a review session. and.. shit. tried to practice a medical scenario, completely diagnosed airway incorrectly. okay, moved on to breathing, forgot to BVM for shallow tidal volume. circulation, forgot skin signs, and from there i just completely froze. the gears in my brain were just completely covered in sludge and i kind of stammered through the rest of it, with help… i couldn’t even remember what all of the acronyms (the ones i typically know by heart) stood for. i would’ve failed that scenario so badly, and tomorrow they’re just going to be harder and more confusing. i’m stressing out so hard right now…

if i can’t even do shit like that, what good is it if i become an EMT? i can’t be depended on to freeze in place. so i’m just not going to (is what i tell myself). tomorrow, i’m gonna give it everything. no blanking, no screwing up. gotta give it everything because it’s the last chance i’ve got.

made it this far already, there’s no way i’m going to go down without a fight.